| Preoccupation With Sex, Love, Romance & Dependency Relationships Bottom Line Behaviors Sex, Love, Romance & Co-Sex Addiction |
- After you have been in recovery for sex, love, romance or co-sex addiction for quite awhile you become very aware
of what is or is not going on around you no matter where you are or go.
- Trying to explain sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction, what it is or how it works to another person who
has no problem with it or has a problem with it but does not know that is very difficult to say the least as they have
no idea what you are talking about.
- A professional counselor or therapist would know exactly what you are talking about.
They deal with clients every day who have problems with dependency relationships, codependency & sex, love,
romance addiction & co-sex addiction. They also treat many childhood trauma victims who are the most likely to
develop these types of problems. The Split By Anne Bissell Sexual Abuse Survivor
- When you run across people of the opposite sex who are preoccupied with sex, love, romance or dependency
relationships you would be wise to avoid them unless you want to get yourself into another codependent
relationship or compulsive addictive dependency relationship & suffer all the negative consequences of such an
action on your part.
- The negative consequences could be anything from another broken heart or dream to yet another painful & costly
divorce proceedings. The lawyers love it. There is a 60% divorce rate in America for first time around marriages &
80% failure rate for second time around marriages which basically means there are a lot of people out there who
do not have a clue as to what a normal healthy relationship is yet alone how to go about finding
a person who is capable of being in one for the long haul.
- Personally even though I do not drink alcohol I spend a lot of time in & around bars & night clubs because there is
no other places for me to go to get out of isolation which is a trigger for me & causes me to get depressed.
- I like to sit back & just watch the show which is really none of my business.
Amazing to see people living in stark raving denial & delusion & engaging in what appears to me to be compulsive
addictive behaviors which always ' Sticks Out Like A Sore Thumb '.
- Almost all the singles showing up in these places seem to me to be on the look which means they are not exactly
letting go & letting God which is a nice way of saving they do not appear to be all that spiritual in nature.
- Many of them probably go through certain rituals before they even get there but have no idea they are doing that.
- Earlier in the day they will begin to think about what it will be like there tonight. Will some new person show up that
they are really interested in? Will some man or woman be there that was there last time they were there?
They are getting mood altered just thinking about it which is called rituals or romantic intrigue that run with sex,
love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction & can be said to be a signpost of the disorder.
- I engaged in rituals & romantic intrigue for many years.
With me it was more about love addiction than sexual addiction.
If I could just find the right person who would love & care about me & me them I would be okay & everything about
my life would be okay instantly. I would see someone I was attracted to & the love fantasy would begin. Feeling like
you are in love with someone you have not even formally met or been on a date with can best be described as
insanity. That is exactly what causes sex, love, romance addicts & co-sex addicts to experience romantic
relationships that just seem to get sicker & sicker & more toxic as time goes on.
- When I share my bottom line behaviors I always say preoccupation & obsession with sex, love, romance,
romantic intrigue & dependency relationships plus fantasy & euphoric recall.
- When I engage in my bottom line behaviors I get mood altered & off to another planet as all sex addicts do.
- Since recovery is about no longer engaging in bottom line behavior I can no longer allow myself to engage in
rituals of any type or kind. I can not allow myself to casually practice romantic intrigue, euphoric recall or fantasy.
Normal people may be able to engage in these behaviors on a daily basis with no adverse side effects but
someone like me could end up losing their life which makes abstinence & sobriety serious business for me.
I have a tendency to attract & get all hooked on or into past life sexual abuse, rape, molestation or incest victims
who like to play the abusive cat & mouse game with me. The now she loves me now she don't game. All anyone
can look forward to in this type of compulsive addictive dependency relationship is abandonment. Ouch!
- For me, because of my attractions I had to stay out of relationships altogether which can best be described as not
fun. Not for a sex, love, romance & co-sex addict like me.
- However, for someone like me that is a whole lot better than trying to be in a romantic relationship with an
active untreated female sex, love, romance addict or co-sex addict that was sexually abused in her past life but
does not know that due to dissociation or displacement. They will re-enact their past life abuse out on to me or
themselves & it matters not what I do or do not do or how much I know. Even if they truly love & care about you &
you them they will act out on you over & over again until there is not much left of you. I have had to leave
relationship partners that I dearly loved & cared about way to much. They either let everyone into their bodies or
no one in the case of sexual avoidance or sexual anorexia. If they are romance addicts you will get yourself
abandoned after the initial excitement & newness of it wears off for them. They will be gone & forever.
- Being who I am & what I am & where I have been I can spot a female past life trauma victim who suffers from sex,
love romance addiction or co-sex addiction a mile away.
- We always find each other & do that quickly no matter where we are.
- When I go into the bars & night clubs I am often the only person there in recovery for sex, love, romance addiction
or co-sex addiction.
- They put on quite a show. I am very happy I no longer have a part in it. Three sheets to the wind is no longer
the frame of mind I want to live or in other words denial & delusion.
- I learned a lot over the years & did that the hard way.
- One thing I learned that has really stuck with me & kept me out of painful unrewarding dependency relationships is
as follows:
- No one who knows who they really are chases anyone & if someone is chasing them they put on roller skates
& get away from them & stay away. When someone comes into their lives in a soft & gentle way & the two of them
become friends over a period of time & discover they have something to do together that is a benefit to their world
that they could not possibly accomplish unless they were together as a married couple it will be right & they will
both know that immediately. Angels In Ca-Hoots. May sound corny to a recovering sex, love, romance addict or
co-sex addict but the guy that told me that was a Methodist Minister who had counseled thousands of couples who
were experiencing relationship problems & this guy was a hell of a lot smarter than I will ever be. I no longer
suffer from bad compulsive addictive relationships nor do I get into relationships with people who have problems
anymore so his advice has certainly enriched my life. No more abandonment pain either which makes me feel
very happy & content.
- If you meet anyone & you can see that they are getting mood altered instantly by your presence in their space
I would recommend that you back off & regroup unless you want another reason to go to recovery meetings
for sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction.
- Find someone who exhibits normal healthy boundaries that takes their time & is genuine
in wanting to protect & care for your heart. It may take you a long time as people who suffer from sex,
love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction tend to attract people with the same types of problems. If you
are in recovery like I am this really gets frustrating because your attractions will more than likely remain
the same even though you no longer act out in your bottom line behaviors. It really hurts when you find someone
you have a strong attraction for & discover that they are more than likely sex, love, romance addicts or co-sex
addicts. Always remember that active untreated sex, love, romance & co-sex addicts are very good at hiding &
covering up their addictions. If it sounds to good to be true it is probably not true is a good rule of thumb to follow.
In other words always scrutinize their pitch. You will never really know what anyone is really
like until you move in with them & get back into that familiar family environment at which time the little kids
inside of them will come out to play. Nature of the beast as all people go out of their way to put their best
foot forward during the dating process which is only natural & normal even though it is not honest.
Keep that old time recovery saying in mind always ' All human beings will stay as sick as their secrets '.
- If they really care about you they will be patient & there by your side always & not going from this person
to that person in a hurry to hook up with someone or anyone. They will not be flirting with or involving themselves
with other men on any level. Not if you really mean anything to them.
- Please take my word on that.
- Dr. Patrick Carnes says that a good way to describe sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction is
a failure to bond. That all addictions have to include a contradiction. What that means is we have to learn
to bond with others in a normal healthy way & we can no longer say we care about our loved ones & then
act out sexually or in any other way behind their backs in secret at the same time.
We have to change these things.
- I can assure you that you do not want to take on the pain that I experienced in my past life simply because
I did not know any of the things I just talked about in this writing.
- If you are a single person & have a problem with sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction you must stop
engaging in preoccupation & obsession with sex, love, romance or dependency relationships along with fantasy &
euphoric recall ( Romantic Intrigue ). If you do not find a way to do this you will end up in yet another dead end
compulsive addictive romantic relationship & more than likely get your heart ripped out all over again. If you have a
problem with romance addiction you will be the one ripping the hearts out & could care less which is the exact
opposite of the love addict. It is not okay for a recovering person to do that to anyone. Very powerful addictions
over all those afflicted. Not the easiest addictions to overcome by any stretch of the imagination. Relapses are
quite common.
- Anonymous, recovering sex, love, romance addict & co-sex addict childhood trauma & abuse victim.
- Take what you like & leave the rest.
- If any of this stuff seems familiar to you & you feel you may have or experience similar problems that
are causing you concern the links below is where you need to go to get the help you will need to overcome
them:
- To get help with love or romance addiction go to the SLAA Website
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