| Cruising For Sex, Love Or Romance Bottom Line Behaviors Male & Female Sex, Love & Romance Addicts |
- Sexually addicted people men & women alike are easy to spot if you know what to look for.
- It takes one to know one & if you spot it you got it rules.
That would be me a recovering male sex addict. Qualifications are important. Lucky for me.
- I also have problems with love & romance addiction, co-sex addiction & sexual avoidance addiction.
- Male & female sex, love, romance addicts & co-sex addicts basically all have one thing in common that
causes them to be attracted to each other wherever they are or go.
- They are more than likely past life trauma or abuse victims whether they remember their past life trauma or not.
Trauma victims often develop addictions as a way or means of trying to undo, cope with or overcome
past life trauma which is called acting out. Sex, love, romance addiction & co-sex addiction are addictions.
Others may use nicotine, sugar, food, gambling, work, success, alcohol, narcotics & on & on. The female sex
love & romance addict or co-sex addict will say he wants me, he wants me I must be okay. In reality he probably
just wants to use her to feed his addiction to sex. Acting out is not exactly the best way to overcome past life
trauma. They are attracting each other unconsciously & do not have a clue for the most part. If they did they
would run. Take my word on that. Ouch!
- The co-sex addict learns at a very early age the way to get attention from men is to be sexually attractive
to them & flirtatious.
- Dress to attract their attention & flirt with them to entice them to want you emotionally, sexually or romantically.
If they want you sexually that is the most important sign of love ( the girls who like the lover boys ).
- These are the core beliefs of sex addicts & co-sex addicts:
I am basically a bad unworthy person.
No one would love me as I am.
My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.
Sex is the most important sign of love ( co-sex addicts )
Sex is my most important need ( sex addicts ).
- These core beliefs about themselves gets set-up in dysfunctional families or in families where addiction was
present in other family members for the most part. Or in families where parents exhibited a failure to bond
with each other in a normal & healthy way for whatever reasons. In other words they became all screwed up
because of the way they were parented or raised.
Parents who model dysfunctional relationship behavior produce children who model dysfunctional behavior.
Monkey see monkey do.
I learned a long time ago if you really want to know how someone is really like in a romantic relationship look to
their parents. They will be just like them or the exact opposite. Either a victim or offender, a control freak or a
door mat, the type that can leave anyone & could care less or the type that can leave no one if you are talking
about people raised up in dysfunctional families where addiction was present in other family members.
Recovery is not about blame.
It is about change.
Changing your own personal behaviors or bad habits that are now unacceptable to you or others.
- What does this have to do with cruising for sex, love or romance?
- Sex addicts actually start cruising for sex at a very early age.
Many children destined to become sexually addicted recall cruising up & down alleys checking out trash cans
hoping to find a dirty magazine ( nudity ) or a Sears Catalog ( underwear ) or National Geographic magazine
( nudity ). Or they may hope to find a window with the blinds up hoping to get a glimpse of a woman undressing.
Others may even look for girls who would be willing to play doctor with them. The list goes on & on.
Today it is just a matter of searching their smart phones, computers or other electronic devices for porn.
What that means is sexual addiction is here to stay & will only get worse over the next few years.
- Remember the sex addicts most important need is sex so it is only natural for them to center their lifestyle &
activities around the pursuit of what they think will make them happy ( they are actually losing their lives ).
- The male sex addicts figure out where to go to find the co-sex addicts & are drawn to these places.
- Parties, dances, teenage hang outs, athletic events, hallways at school, where students gather after school.
- The co-sex addicts know where they have to be to get the kind of attention they want from the sex addicts
& make it a point to be there dressed to attract of course.
- The sex addict & co-sex addict practice or engage in rituals that take place in their minds long before they get
to where they are going to find or attract.
- Will he or she be there? Will he or she be interested in me? Will he or she want me? Will he or she love me?
What will he or she look like or feel like with no clothes on? How will it feel when he or she holds me or kisses
me?
- The addictive process has begun even before the event happens & it begins in the minds of the sex addicts
& co-sex addicts which serves to mood alter them & take away their emotional pain caused by their core beliefs.
- They have learned that emotional, romantic or sexual behavior of this type will mood alter them & make them
feel better about themselves which in reality is a lie as they will have to continue acting out in this manner for
every day of the rest of their lives to continue to get the hits & jolts they think they need to survive.
- To sex addicts supply is everything.
They must protect their supply of acting out opportunities at any or all cost & maintain a stash so there is no
chance they could ever run out of acting out opportunities ( something for the girls who like lover boys to
remember ). You can not expect an active untreated level one sex addict to not have a secret stash.
- To meet this end they develop a plan of attack that involves a line or pitch, dressing to attract & for the male sex
addict that always for some reason means the color black which works very well to trigger co-sex addicts.
The diamond ear ring, the gold necklaces, the bedroom eyes & knowing what they want to hear. I really care
about you. I have never met anyone like you before. My search is over. You name it & they know how to say it.
They know what works & what don't. Level one sex addicts both the males & females are about as clever as
human beings can get when it comes to seduction & building up a stash of acting out opportunities. Their
entire lives are centered around the pursuit of acting out opportunities & if it takes money to get the kind
of acting out partners they think they need to survive they will find a way to make a lot of money to make that
possible. They will go to any length to satisfy their fantasies or perceived sexual needs. Co-sex addicts are
nothing more than sitting ducks for them. They are just that smart. When co-sex addicts marry sex addicts
they have the belief that they must be everything the sex addict wants or needs sexually or he or she may leave
them for another person who can meet their needs. In reality the sex addict is going to act out no matter what
she or he does or does not do. That is what sex addicts do. They act out sexually. They do that a lot.
Married means nothing to the sex addict as his or her spouse or partner is nothing more than an object rather
than a real live person with feelings. They are impressed with the image rather than the person inside.
The sex addict always leads a secret double life & acts out sexually in secret behind the backs of their co-
sexually addicted relationship partners. They have countless ways of mood altering themselves which
recovering sex, love & romance addicts call bottom line behaviors. Sex addicts are often powerless over acting
out sexually in their bottom line behaviors when triggered. Sometimes they can say no to acting out & at other
times they can not.
- In Patrick Carnes book called Out Of The Shadows sex addicts are rated at different levels depending on what
their bottom line behaviors are. Level one sex addicts are males or females that have bottom line behaviors
having to do with cruising for sex which means always looking for new or more exciting emotional, romantic or
sexual acting partners, rituals, preoccupation & obsessive with sex, love, romance, romantic intrigue &
seduction. In other words they are sex addicts who desire to have sex with a lot of different people & do what
they have to do to meet that end to protect their supply. They are often perceived by others as having it made
sexually. Others see their sexual behavior as normal every day run of the mill just the way it is in America today
adult emotional, romantic or sexual behavior. In reality what they are doing & their victims are doing is losing
their lives. Many of the people level one sex addicts use for acting out purposes are past life trauma or abuse
victims they have taken power over because they often times lack the capacity to say no which means acting
out on or with them is in fact actually form of rape according to professionals.
Deep down inside of themselves they feel guilty knowing they are taking advantage of people who are
powerless over sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction. No human being can take on that type of guilt
forever without experiencing life damaging consequences. Guilt says what I did was not good. Shame says I am
no good. Shame is the most painful human feeling. Knowing that you are no good because of what you are
constantly doing to use or hurt others will eventually bring you down to the point there is nothing left of you.
This gives them the incentive to do it again & again. Another & another & another. The live in the squirrel cage
& they can not escape or get out. Actually that serves them right according to some religious people who say
your sins will follow you around everywhere you are or go & someday they will catch up with you & run all over
you. Or in simpler terms what goes around always comes around which means sexually addicted people have
made a bargain with Chaos. Girls who like lover boys ( level one male sex addicts ) have made a bargain with
Chaos. They will be made to suffer life damaging consequences. Addiction is all powerful & life damaging.
You see them in the bars, night clubs, churches, 12 step meetings, singles dances always Scanning for victims.
They find what they are looking for ( abuse or trauma victims who do not know that ) & the chase begins. He
triggers her co-sex addiction & she triggers his sexual addiction. Both of them are powerless over saying no to
the other so they end up together in what best could be described as the mixing of another pain cocktail.
Then there are the ones that like the platonic affairs that act out with seduction & ritual but not the sex act.
They get mood altered just knowing they could if they wanted to & a lot of addicts center their life around
this behavior & even act out at work always inviting members of the opposite sex out to lunch with them,
communicating with them on computers etc. If the addict who engages in platonic affairs has a committed
relationship partner he or she is being unfaithful & the partner will not be to happy if they find out about it.
- Women call them players. I call them lover boys. The smooth & sweet talkers. The hustlers & cons.
The women that fall for them are three sheets to the wind co-sex addicts who usually dress the part & have to
be careful about bending over to far around other people.
Men who had mothers that probably or maybe loved them way to much or way to often? Used them to meet their
emotional, romantic or sexual needs they were not getting from their husbands or relationship partners? Who
really knows? Who really cares anyway? They are what they are. It is what it is. Lover boys who actually think
they are sweet? Then they abandon their sweetie pies but keep them on the hook & make them stash?
- Very few level one sex addicts males or females ever get out of sexual addiction or even want out of it.
- They like & actually think they enjoy the power they have over past life trauma & abuse victims & really have no
desire to give that up & this is especially so for the female sex addicts who are very good at being takers &
using male childhood trauma & abuse victims who think sex, love or romance is the answer to all their past life
pain. Sex Industry workers who for the most part are childhood trauma & abuse victims themselves have that
figured that out to the T & actually make a living by feeding the sex, love & romance addictions of their
customers.
- Their behaviors just seem normal to them or others.
After-all this is America where sex is king.
- The only hope for them is that they contract HIV Aids.
- That may be about the only thing that could ever bring them down.
Acting out on or taking advantage of past life trauma or abuse victims that often lack the capacity to say no
will eventually bring down level one sex addicts both men & women alike as somewhere deep down inside
themselves they know behavior of this type is simply not right.
- Who in their right mind wants to face that type of guilt or shame?
- Some of the healthiest people I know that I would trust with my life have had sex with over a thousand different
people & do not do that anymore.
They experience true intimacy with their relationship partners who dearly love & care about them as persons
rather than objects & talk about good parents.
There are no better parents.
How could that be? Paradoxes? You figure that out.
Love & the people who love you as a person are more valuable to you than anything you could ever come up
with to medicate the pain of your past.
You may have to lose them forever to come to that realization for yourself.
Level one sexual addiction is very difficult to overcome but it can be done.
No one on Earth knows more about sexual addiction than a recovering level one sex addict who has had sex
with a thousand people. They can help those who still suffer like no others. Attractors they are. For sure.
Ex-Prostitutes seem to be the only females in America that are concerned with the health & welfare of sex
industry workers & many of them have websites & do TV & radio shows to bring forth awareness concerning
victimization of childhood trauma & abuse victims. They know sexual addiction like no others. God bless them.
- Anne Bissell is one of them. If you do not believe the stuff I talk about ask Anne. She knows all to well.
- Anonymous, recovering sex, love, romance addict, co-sex addict & sexual avoidance addict.
- Childhood sexual abuse, molestation & rape victim ( survivor ). Helping others who still suffer.
- Take what you like & leave the rest.
