| What Recovering Male Sex Addicts Need To Do When Triggered By A Female Sex, Love, Romance Addict Or Co-Sex Addict ( Victims Of Past Life Trauma ) |
- Recovering male sex, love, romance addicts or co-sex addicts who have been in recovery for awhile are always
very aware of what is or is not going on around them.
- They have a much higher level Consciousness than normal non-addicted people or active untreated addicted
people.
They notice the behaviors of other people like never before.
When something does not look or feel right to them they know that something is wrong.
- If it sticks out like a sore thumb they notice that immediately.
- That is what helps them recognize & avoid triggers ( people who trigger their addictions ).
- If they are single or in a committed relationship & go into a bar or night club, a singles dance, 12 step recovery
meeting, church sponsored singles dances or other singles activities as an example, they will scan their
surroundings looking for unsafe people they need to avoid at any & all cost which is the exact opposite of what
they used to do when cruising around looking for new & more exciting romantic relationship partners ( acting out
partners ).
- When they spot a person they are attracted to they will carefully observe that person's behavior.
- Does she have normal healthy boundaries? Is she flirting around with a lot of different men & getting herself
mood altered doing so? Does she use relationship addict terms like on the rebound or he hit on me?
Is she referring to men she is involving herself with in any manner who have a romantic interest in her as
' just friends '? Friends are men or women who have no romantic interest in each other which is basically
common sense. Remember platonic affairs is a bottom line behavior of many female & male sexually addicted
people. Acts out with ritual & seduction but not the sex addict. The addict gets mood altered just knowing he or
she could if he or she wanted to.
Platonic affairs is sexual acting out & it is not loving or caring towards self or others.
Is she unknowingly engaging in activities that are causing you to fear for her personal safety?
Does she seem to be getting all flushed & flashy eyed ( mood altered ) because a man or men is pursuing her?
Is she going from this guy to that guy? Is she allowing someone to sit next to her that she really does not want
there but not telling him to leave her alone? Is she drinking to much? Is she allowing a male sex addict to stalk
her? Are male sex addicts pursuing her & she seems to be enjoying the attention without regard to caution? Is
she allowing more than one man to pursue her at the same time or allowing another man to pursue her or hit on
her when she is sitting there or dancing with another man? Is she dressed to attract or dressed conservatively
as a cover-up ? Is she allowing a man to touch her body or put his hands on her body? Is she there with a
female friend that you would suspect has problems with sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction ( acting
out Buddies ) ( birds of the same feather always flock together ).The list of things to watch for in women to rule
out the possibility that they could be female sex, love, romance or co-sex addicts is extensive.
Use your past experience with them in your acting out days & your imagination.
If anything she says or does not seem like normal behavior or comes across as odd behavior beware.
Know that whatever you see or feel that does not seem right is probably just the tip of the iceberg.
* No human being has the power or ability to determine whether another person is sexually addicted or not.
However, they can suspect sexual addiction in another person by observing behavior. All recovering sex addicts
know the signpost of sexual addiction & if another person displays signpost behavior beware to protect self.
It is safe to say the person they suspect has problems & leave it at that because it is their problem anyway.
- This is the way normal healthy men operate when it comes to choosing who to pursue as a possible
romantic relationship partner. They observe behavior & especially personal boundaries which clearly defines
who or what a person really is. Week or odd ball boundaries are a blazing red flag. If something does not
look or seem right in this respect it is not. Untreated past life trauma victims always exhibit odd behaviors
that stick out like a sore thumb which is a blessing to recovering sex addicts who need to avoid them.
- Active untreated male & female sex, love, romance addicts or co-sex addicts do not always have the power
to say no to addicts or co-sex addicts they are attracted to. They always find each other quickly no matter where
they are or go. The end result usually ends up in another sexual acting out episode or compulsive addictive
dependency relationship that is about as rewarding as going to the public dump to look for collectible beer cans.
Recovering sex addicts are looking for the opposite of that. What all active untreated sex, love, romance addicts
& co-sex addicts males & females alike really want is to love & be loved not acted out on or with. Their addictions
prevent them from experiencing normal healthy romantic relationships which is one of
the painful life damaging consequences that run with personal problems of this type.
- The active untreated male & female sex addict alike are always a step ahead of the game planning their next
acting out episode. They know what other addicts want to hear & they know how to say it. They are experts at
seduction. Problem is once the seduction is completed all that is usually left or remains is memories that are only
good for euphoric recall or stash.
Recovering sex addicts no longer have valid use for euphoric recall or stash.
They want love now. They must learn how to find love in all the right places. Who to love & who to not love.
- A bar or night club is not always a great place for a recovering sex addict to be in the first place.
These places attract male & female sex addicts. They are full of them. They do not know that but
many recovering sex, love, romance & co-sex addicts do because they used to act out in them all the time
before they found their way to a program of recovery.
However, they are a great place to practice the fine art of saying no.
( establishing & enforcing personal boundaries ).
Something they could not do or get right when they were living in stark raving denial & delusion & acting out in
their addictions 24/7 ( losing their lives ).
- Observing behavior & personal boundaries is the only way to go in this respect.
- If she triggers you which means if you are attracted to her instantly on the spot & she seems to share
the same type of attraction for you instantly on the spot she could be a female sex, love,
romance addict or co-sex addict & you can always count on that for sure simply because like attracts like.
In this situation backing off & observing behavior is a must. Watch her behaviors carefully before you decide to
involve yourself further. If she is there when you return the next time watch her behavior some more. Be patient
& just sit back & observe. If she is a female sex, love, romance addict or co-sex addict her addiction will come to
the surface sooner or later. If & when you discover that she is not & she is still there then & only then
would you ask her to go out on a date with you. The time to tell her that you are a recovering sex addict
is up front on the first date so there is no chance you are practicing what sex addicts know best.
Dishonesty. Dishonesty has no place in a normal healthy relationship. Be aware if she is a
female, sex, love, romance addict or co-sex addict she may get triggered, turned on, & mood altered when you
tell her you are a sex addict because that is really what she wants & is looking for anyway. She will have no idea
what sex addict means & will think you just love to have a lot of sex which will be just fine with her.
That would be a good time for you to take her off your potential relationship partner list & start looking all over
again no matter how strong your attraction for her is. Remember she is not going to change & you can not
change, fix, or save her. Not if she is a victim of past life trauma who is sexually addicted or co-sexually
addicted.. No one can do that.
- If she is treating you more like an object rather than a real live person with feelings the hand writing
is on the wall. Women who treat men like objects could care less about you or your feelings. This is
called depersonalization or sexual objectification & it is not loving or caring towards self or others.
- If she is allowing any man that you suspect is a sex addict to sit with her, dance with her or pursue her
what does that tell you about her? She could care less about you sounds about right.
- If she comes across or thinks more like a man when it comes to sex, love, relationships or commitment
these are signpost of sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction in women.
All you will ever be to her is someone to act out with period. When she gets bored acting out with you she will
abandon you & then attempt to keep you as a friend so she can keep you on the hook & make you a part of
her stash. Women like this are great acting out buddies but nothing more. A source of emotional pain.
She may not act out on you sexually & just use you to feed her addiction to love or romance. If she is a
romance addict she is going to abandon you as soon as your presence no longer floats her boat. If she is a love
addict you are going to have a hard time convincing her you are not the right guy for her. Remember that
you can not be in a relationship with any type of untreated active addict period. You also can not change,
save or fix them period.
- If she talks about abuse from another man in an attempt to make you feel sorry for her that is a signpost
of past life trauma & sex, love, romance or co-sex addiction in women. Emotionally healthy women do not
normally involve themselves with any man that would ever be abusive to her ( hurt people always choose hurt
people that will always hurt them ). Hurt people hurt people which means if you involve yourself with this one
you are going to get hurt.
Allowing yourself to get hurt is not being loving & caring towards yourself or that little boy inside of you that
looks to you for protection. Let her go & let her make some other guy feel sorry for her & feel sorry for no one!
Feeling sorry for childhood trauma & abuse victims can best be described as enabling. Not your job or your
problem & acting out sexually with them is a big no way. All you will ever get from that is guilt & shame. Guilt
& shame is the fuel that feeds & fires your addiction & something you simply do not need.
- If ' The Golden Rule ' means nothing to her neither do you.
Always keep in mind The Safe Formula that Dr. Patrick Carnes developed to help recovering sex,
love, romance & co-sex addicts decide for themselves what is or is not addictive for them.
- If she is in a big hurry to hook up with you that is another signpost. Love is patient, gentle & kind.
- If she is occupying space in your mind 24/7 even though you have not been on a date with her & know very little
about her that is a signpost of love or romance addiction on your part.
- If you are experiencing any type of painful feelings as a result of your interactions with her that is a signpost of
sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction in you for sure & most likely her also. Match made in heaven.
- Remember your little boy & what someone did to hurt him in your past life that helped you develop sex, love,
romance or co-sex addiction.
Then say to yourself I will not allow anyone to do that to him ever again not even her as beautiful as she is.
Be willing to endure the unavoidable withdraw pain by withdrawing.
Say to yourself what kind of person would I be if I allowed myself to act out with a past life trauma victim that
often times lacks the capacity to say no?
Acting out includes involving yourself with her on any level, playing games with her or using her to feed your
EGO which means you do not allow yourself to take power over her in any arena or area. No Way!
- Recovering male sex addicts not only know better but they are also better than that.
- We learn to give & accept only love as that is what we really want & others really want.
Sexual acting out, acting out in love or romance addiction or co-sex addiction in any form
is not loving or caring towards self or others.
There is no intimacy in sex, love, romance addiction or co-sex addiction so what is the point in acting out in it?
- We know that now & refrain.
- The odd abnormal romantic relationship & emotional behaviors of female sex, love, romance addicts & co-sex
addicts always sticks out like a sore thumb & every recovering male sex addict knows that so rationalization is
simply a waste of time unless what you are looking for is to take on some more guilt & shame.
Addiction is a failure to bond or contradiction according to Dr. Patrick Carnes.
We have no excuse for not recognizing their rather obvious character defects & short comings. Not now.
- Many female sex, love, romance addicts & co-sex addicts are very good at hiding & covering up their secret
double lives & many of them are not.
When they no longer try to hide it things are really beginning to get bad for them.
We know the signpost of female sex, love, romance & co-sex addiction & avoid females who exhibit them.
Always remember that ' Hurt People Hurt People ' female sex, love, romance addicts & co-sex addicts are hurt
people that will hurt you if you allow yourself to become romantically involved with them. If you are a woman
getting yourself romantically involved with a male sex, love, romance addict or co-sex addict will afford you
the same results. You simply can not now or ever have a normal healthy relationship with an active untreated
addict of any type or kind. That is impossible.
- With me it is relatively simple.
If she is attracted to me & me her we have a problem until that can be proven otherwise by careful
observation over a period of time. Remember that sex addicts attract co-sex addicts & visa versa & also
remember a recovering male sex addict can develop a problem with co-sex addiction if he allows himself to get
into a relationship with an active untreated female sex, love or romance addict & it matters not how many years
he has been in recovery. Then you will know what it was like for the other person(s) in your life when you were
active in your addiction. No sane person can be in a relationship with an active untreated male or female sex
addict for very long. It is not possible to endure the pain & suffering forever. The relationship will eventually fail.
- Personal Boundary:
I do not ask women out on dates or get involved with them romantically until I get to know them really well
through friendship activities first & these activities are of the group nature.
I do not allow myself to be alone with women I do not know very well in an automobile or dwelling period.
I do not make out with or have sex with people I am not married to also helps me to stay abstinent.
If she triggers my addiction I get away from her & stay away period.
I can not go back period.
I would prefer to have my heart protected & cared for as that is what I always really wanted & needed in
the first place before my addiction came into the picture many years ago when I was a lonely child.
I do not know about you but my acting out days are over.
I am a victim of childhood trauma that developed a problem with sexual addiction because of that fact.
I am also a love & romance addict & a co-sex addict which makes things even more difficult for me in the
romantic relationship arena & there is nothing I could ever do to change that. Abstinence is my salvation.
I can no longer allow myself to give my power away to what I see in a face or body.
Today I would get more out of trying to help a female trauma victim get out of sex, love, romance addiction
or co-sex addiction than I would acting out with her on any level.
That is what recovery is really all about.
Carrying the message to help those who still suffer.
Sexual addiction is not a moral issue. It is a very serious & tragic personal & family illness that carries with it
severe life damaging consequences. Sexual addiction always leaves a trail of destruction behind it.
After people get in recovery for sexual addiction life must go on.
There are a lot of unsafe people out there that would love nothing better than to see them relapse.
Recovering people need to be aware of that fact & avoid unsafe people at any & all cost or they will relapse.
There is no softer or easier way to stay abstinent period.
- Always remember sexual addiction is a failure to bond. People who are acting out sexually with people they are
not in a mutually committed monogamous relationship with are not exactly bonding with their relationship
partners in a normal & healthy manner in what can best be described as a dependency relationship.
Sexual addiction always includes a contradiction. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
Intimacy is the only known cure for sexual addiction. Intimacy is love.
There is no intimacy in sexual addiction whatsoever.
- What all addicts really want is love.
- Submission to the will of God is the beginning of wisdom. Solomon.
Resist the notion that there is no God if you ever want to get out of yourself & sexual addiction unless
you want to end up all battered & beat like me. Pain addiction is the worst of all. That would be me.
- God speaks to me through recovering people in all the recovery groups I have participated in
over the years. That is my Higher Power. I trust in them like no other. They speak only truth.
I also know that they love & care about me whether they are good at expressing that or not.
I also find God when I read books written by people like Dr. Patrick Carnes or watch his videos.
- If you spot it you got it. That is why recovering addicts like myself can always spot other addicts.
Never forget that. It will help you to stay abstinent & serene. If that is what you really want.
Every man has a right to his own opinion but he does not have a right to be wrong in his facts.
We do not guarantee or warrant anything on this website to be true, correct, factual or authentic.
The human brain is much to complicated for any human being to accurately assess or figure out.
We as recovering addicts never know what others are really thinking. We can not read minds.
The only thing we can do is observe the behaviors of others & then decide what is or is not acceptable
to us when it comes to romantic relationships period.
Personally I have not acted out sexually with, dated or been in a relationship with a female for many years
& that has not killed me or ruined my life.
I know who I am now & what I want out of what I have left of my life or romantic relationships & will accept nothing
less. I am worth that & so are you. We all are. God Does Not Make Junk.
If you have to convince someone to be in a romantic relationship with you it will never be right. Catch that.
Anonymous, A recovering sex, love, romance addict & co-sex addict childhood trauma & abuse victim.
- Take what you like & leave the rest. Simply my own perception of the subject matter.
